Beliefs 3: Complex-Equivalences

Are you fooling yourself?.....

Beliefs 3: Complex-Equivalences

Date: 7/26/2026

(NOTE: It is recommended to read "Beliefs 1: Introduction" before reading this article. )

A) What are Complex Equivalence Beliefs?

There are two standard patterns Complex Equivalence Beliefs. One is "If A happens, it means B." and "A equals B" Notice the contrast between this pattern and the Cause-Effect Beliefs discussed in the previous article: "If A happens, it causes B to result."

Cause-Effect Belief: "If I disagree with someone, it will damage the relationship." (A prediction about what will happen.)
Complex Equivalence Belief: "If someone disagrees with me, it means they don't respect me." (An interpretation of what something means.) Or, "He is a person who doesn't respect people."

As I said in the previous article, many of the problems we create for ourselves can be traced to erroneous Cause-Effect Beliefs and Complex Equivalence Beliefs. In my counseling practice, I have found that many—and perhaps most—of the problems people struggle with are connected to these two types of beliefs.

Let's examine the belief above. When someone disagrees with me, one possible interpretation is that they don't respect me. However, there are other possible interpretations. Or, perhaps they truly care about me and want to correct an incorrect statement I said to prevent me from making a mistake. Or, perhaps they simply see the issue differently. Or, perhaps they misunderstood what I meant. The point here is that I should not treat my interpretation as the only possible one.

Here are examples of Complex Equivalence Beliefs:

---"If I lose money on one investment, it means I'm not good with money."    --- "If people don't laugh at my joke, it means they think I'm boring."    ---"If I feel confident while doing a task, that means I am succeeding at it." --- "If someone criticizes me, it means they don't like me."    --- "If people were quiet during my presentation, it means they didn't like it"

Of course, Complex Equivalence Beliefs can be true.

---"If someone repeatedly lies to me, it means they are not trustworthy."    --- "If someone consistently makes time for me despite a busy schedule, it usually means the relationship is important to them."
--- "If an employee consistently meets deadlines and produces high-quality work, it means they are reliable."
---"If I persist after setbacks, it means I have resilience."

B) Identities and Labels (A=B or A≠B):

A particularly influential type of Complex Equivalence involves the identities and labels we assign to ourselves and others.

Limiting Identities: Suppose someone believes, "I am not intelligent". They equate every past mistake with a lack of intelligence, leading them to doubt their judgment, and avoid new challenges out of a belief that they are incapable.
Overstated Identities: Conversely, an exaggerated positive identity can create blind spots. Consider someone who believes, "I am an expert decision-maker". They may rarely consult others or re-examine their logic—relying too heavily on their own judgment which can lead to serious errors.

This pattern can also apply to the identities we assign to other people such as "He is not trustworthy", "She is an expert bookkeeper". Once assigned, these identities will affect how we relate to these people--rightly or wrongly.

Similarly, we often place labels on places, situations, and things such as "The downtown area of the city is dangerous", "That store is expensive", "The toy you bought is not appropriate for that child's age", etc. Such labels often determine our future actions--for better or for worse.

The A=B pattern is often an abbreviated version of a more fully expressed Complex Equivalence belief. For example, if you ask someone "How do you know that the downtown area is dangerous?", they might answer "The news media is always reporting about the crimes that take place there". This statement can be reworded to fit neatly into the classic Complex Equivalence pattern described above: "The frequent news reports about crime in the downtown area mean that the area is dangerous."

We often formulate identities and labels by taking a small, limited set of experiences and allowing them to define ourselves, other people, places, situations, or things. Other times, we adopt these identities and labels because of messages repeatedly communicated to us by parents, teachers, peers, or other influential people.

C) Values

Another important application of Complex Equivalence is our personal values. Simply defined, Values are what is important to us. They are often expressed in the Complex-Equivalence formula such as "It is important to save money". Unlike many Complex Equivalence beliefs, values are usually not inherently true or false. Rather, they express what a person considers meaningful or desirable. To this person "Financial responsibility = Saving money".

Even when they are not explicity stated as an equation A=B, the format is implied. For instance, if you ask two people what did you like about your vacation?" One might say "It was very relaxing". The other might respond "We went on challenging hikes in the mountains every day!".

The implied Complex Equivalence is:

"A good vacation = one that is relaxing."
"A good vacation = one that includes rigorous physical activity."

Neither definition is "wrong"—they simply reflect different personal criteria for what makes this experience valuable.

For a more detailed discussion of Values, see the two articles on Values in the Communication section of the Articles page.

D) Mind Reading: a Hidden Complex Equivalence Belief

There is another type of belief known as Mind Reading. For example, suppose someone tells you "My neighbor doesn't like me". If you ask the person, "How do you know that he doesn't like you?" He might give a reason such as "He never smiles at me". In other words , they are revealing an underlying Complex Equivalence: "Since he never smiles at me, that means he doesn't like me". The person may not initially express this hidden interpretation, but by asking questions you uncover the underlying Complex Equivalence Belief.

Sometimes , the person will answer "I just know that he doesn't like me" Here, too , this is really a Complex Equivalence because even though he is claiming that he "just knows it", obviously the neighbor must be doing something that led him to that conclusion. The speaker may simply be unaware of the observations that led him to that conclusion.

E) How to Identify, Evaluate, and Correct Erroneous Beliefs.

(NOTE-- for the convenience of the reader, this section was copied from the Beliefs 1 article--and updated for Complex Equivalence Beliefs)

The next step is to identify our beliefs and evaluate whether they are accurate, useful, or in need of revision.

Before one can begin correcting one's beliefs, one first needs to recognize that we are all capable of making mistakes. As "correct" as any particular belief may seem to me, I need to remain open to the possibility that it may be incorrect, only partially correct, or true only in certain situations, etc.

Without this willingness to question our own beliefs, the methods for evaluating and changing them discussed in this and the following articles will have little effect.

1. Identifying an Erroneous Belief:

One way to identify an erroneous belief is to take notice of some area of your life in which you are repeatedly experiencing problems or disappointment.

Then ask yourself, "What belief am I holding that might be contributing to this problem?"

Because we are emotionally involved in our own lives, we often overlook our blind spots. It can therefore be very helpful to ask a trusted friend whether they notice anything we may be thinking or doing that could be contributing to the problem.

2. Correcting an Erroneous Complex Equivalence Belief:

As an example, let's use the belief :

"If someone criticizes me, it means they don't like me."

A) Look for Counter-Evidence: Notice times when reality contradicts the belief.

Ask yourself: "Do you know people who are good friends who offer constructive criticism to each other--and even express appreciation for it?"

B) Challenge the Belief: Ask probing questions to loosen the absolute certainty of the belief:

"How, specifically, does someone criticizing you mean that they don't like you?"

"What else could their act of criticizing you mean about what they think of you?"

The goal of Challenging the Connection is to become more open-minded and to reconsider the belief.

[NOTE: If you are helping someone else with their belief, be careful not to argue with them!]

C) Formulate a more accurate and useful belief.

One way to do this is to seek other people's perspectives:

(See Ruach Chaim on Pirkei Avos, Perek 2, Mishna 7-- מרבה עצה מרבה תבונה)

First : Ask other people for their perspectives on the issue at hand. This will help you see the issue in a new light.

For example: "In your opinion, when someone criticizes someone else, what might they think of the person they are criticizing?"

Second: Evaluate the various perspectives you have heard in light of your own life. What applies to your unique life situation and could benefit you--and what not? Suggestion: Don't rush this stage! Changing a belief is a process. Take the time to carefully consider everything you have heard.

Third: Formulate a new belief. Select from the ideas you heard and combine them into a new belief that fits your life circumstances. (Because what works for one person may not work for another person. You want a belief that works for you personally).

An example of a new belief: "Some people criticize me because they don't like me or want to hurt me. Others criticize me because they care about me and want to help me avoid mistakes or reach my potential. Rather than assuming one motive, I can consider their advice, then decide what to apply, and how to apply it to my unique life circumstances".

By learning to unpack our automatic interpretations, we regain choice over how we respond to the world around us.

In the next article, we will explore another type of belief that may be limiting us without our realizing it...